The Procrastinator's Confession: Why I Put Off What Needs Doing

Let's be honest, I'm a procrastinator. Not with the big, exciting stuff, but with those small, annoying tasks that just feel like a chore. The more frustrating something is, the more I want to push it aside. And the worst part? I'm a master at rationalizing why I haven't done it yet.

Take my Flexible Spending Account (FSA) receipts, for example. It's the bane of my existence! We work hard for that money, and if it's going to "HEARTLAND CARDIOLOGY," shouldn't that be proof enough it's for medical bills? Deep breaths. It's frustrating, and when I'm frustrated, I delay. My mind immediately goes to: "Did I keep the invoice? Probably not. I'll have to call, and they'll probably mail it, which takes forever. Then I'll have to deal with customer service, figure out their lunch break... and on and on."

Eventually, the inevitable happens. That dreaded email arrives: "Upload your invoices or your FSA card will be shut off." This is when I finally make myself do it. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum, but it has to get done.

But here's the thing: FSA receipts are just one example. I have plenty more. Cleaning the house and doing laundry are two big ones. My house isn't a hoarder's paradise, but you'd definitely find dust bunnies and last night's dishes in the sink. Since I "work" from home, what's my excuse? My rationalizing mind tells me: "It's not that bad. You deserve a break. Just one more game of solitaire. Just one more episode of 'One Tree Hill,' and then I'll get busy." But then time just slips away. I do a little reading, answer a few calls – busy work that doesn't get me the results I want.

Then the really bad stuff creeps in: the feelings. Oh, the feelings! "Why did I waste my day? Why can't I just get up and do it? What's wrong with me?" Fear, judgment, unworthiness, and a whole lot of shame. With all these negative feelings swirling, wouldn't you think just doing the task would be the sane choice? Yeah, me too. These tasks I dislike don't cause me harm; there's nothing to be scared of. They won't kill me. So why do I choose to feel utterly crappy instead of just tackling them in the first place?

I've tried everything, and nothing seemed to stick. Checklists were a mixed bag. If I completed most of the tasks, I felt great. But if I didn't, the hurt was ten times worse. Then the anxiety kicked in because now I had yesterday's tasks plus today's, piling up with no end in sight. Eventually, I had no idea where to start. Of course, the things I hated doing always ended up at the bottom of the list. So I'd try to prioritize the most important things first. But at that point, everything felt important.

So, maybe you can totally relate to my story, or at least understand how I get to this point.

I've dealt with anxiety my entire life. (A blog post about that for another time!) And I was diagnosed with ADD really late. I thought, "Psh, no way I have ADD. I'm used to seeing hyperactive little boys in school; I'm nothing like that. Heck, I don't have any energy, period!" But when the therapist explained it, it all made so much sense. Holy cow! Just knowing and having a diagnosis made a huge difference. I don't take medication for it, and I don't plan to. I figured if I've made it this far without it, I can find ways to make life a little easier for myself.

What I've learned over the past few months is to be kinder to myself. Just because I'm a Virgo perfectionist doesn't mean I'll ever reach perfection. Laundry isn't worth stressing about; it always gets done eventually.

The biggest lesson I try to remember is this: it's always worse in my head, in my thoughts, than the actual task. Every. Single. Time. I always worry it's going to take too long or be a pain, and guess what? It's never really that bad. My mind likes to make it out to be something much more than it needs to be. Remembering this is one of my coping strategies. The last thing – which I've heard and read from so many others – is: just get up and do it. Yes, it might be hard, but just take that first step, just get started. When I truly take this to heart, I accomplish a lot. Did I mention sometimes this is really hard? Lol. It doesn't always happen, but it happens more frequently now. I also make my to-do lists much more manageable. Instead of writing down everything that needs to be done, I just pick two things I want to accomplish. Yes, just two. Everything else is a bonus if it happens.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who deals with this. If you can relate, what are some of your coping strategies?