When to Fight, When to Let Go: My Ongoing Dilemma.

Do you choose peace or anger?

Recently, I've been grappling with a difficult question: what do you do when you feel truly wronged by someone or something? This is a tough one for me. Following Buddhist principles, one is often encouraged to simply let things go. However, I find it so ingrained in my being to stand up and fight for what's right that I genuinely struggle with this concept. It seems this is happening with increasing frequency lately, leading me to wonder if the universe is gently, or perhaps not so gently, nudging me to truly understand this lesson. Perhaps these experiences will continue until I come to terms with this challenge.

Here is some background on my recent issues. First, we faced a very costly sewer main repair. This should have been managed by the city, but they denied any responsibility. When searching for an attorney, I discovered that the only one in my county who handles such cases is the City Attorney – for my own city. Quite convenient, wouldn't you say? I underwent a seemingly simple stomach test: it involved an X-ray, swallowing a marker pill, and returning five days later for another X-ray. That was the extent of it. They charged me $5000 for the pill and $2000 each for the X-rays. After some research and finding that I could have purchased this pill at my local pharmacy for $119 – without insurance – I was a bit outraged. Yes, I have insurance, but that simple thing cost me a lot of money out of pocket. All of this, just to confirm what I already suspected. And the last big one (although there are many many other small ones) is the property tax situation in my county. Our house, vehicles, and recreational equipment are taxed heavily. For instance, our purely recreation equipment that has limited uses cost us over $1200 annually. If you live here - you already know what I mean on the cars and houses.

These experiences left me feeling angry, cheated, and wronged in a profoundly cosmic way. Living with ADD and anxiety means my mind relentlessly rehashes these events, constantly questioning what I could have done differently to improve the situation, and what I can do now to make it better. I hate to admit it, but I even find myself contemplating acts of revenge for these perceived wrongdoings.

If I simply let go, embracing the 'it is what it is' attitude I usually adopt, I could free myself from this nonstop thinking and overthinking. But let's be honest: that's far easier said than done. Let's say I choose to fight the city, the insurance companies, or the doctors' offices. How much time, energy, and effort would that truly demand? Not to mention the significant financial cost. All for what purpose? To win? To teach them a lesson not to treat people badly?

What about all of that lost time and money? Would it really be worth it in the end? And let's face it – would I actually have a shot in hell of winning? Do I need that so badly that I am willing to give up what life I have left?

You thought you would get an answer here – didn't you. Yeah – I wish I had the answer too. But I don't.

I have a feeling I'm not alone in this. I'm guessing this internal tug-of-war is something many of us wrestle with every single day. But what we often don't consider is how holding onto that anger, even when it feels justified, might actually be hurting us. It feels almost selfish to crave peace in your own life when the world around you is brimming with suffering and injustice, and all you want to do is jump in and fix it. But how do you truly decide when to fight, and when to protect your own well-being? I'll admit, I haven't always reacted well to these perceived injustices, I'm trying to be better. I'm also acutely aware that my own struggles, while real to me, can seem laughable when compared to the immense suffering others face. Yet, we all have our battles, our moments of feeling wronged. The challenge is in navigating them with grace and a growing understanding

I think we are here to live our unique lives – to experience everything that we can while we are here – to learn and to grow. To have an experience like no other. To enjoy all of the beautiful things this world has to offer – even what we view as bad. Because if we didn't have the bad – we wouldn't see the good.

So even though there are some pretty shitty people and situations in the world – we have to remember that there always has been and always will be bad shit. That won't change. How we see and react to those situations is the only thing we have control over. We ALL have our perceived injustices – we all feel wronged at times. But guess what – I am still here – writing this – so that means that there is still hope for me. So I am going to keep working on the principle of Letting Go and hope that each day gets a little easier. Why? Because I don't want to be one of the shitty people.